I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
