I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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