I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
