In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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