im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
