someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Randomize
