porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
