I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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