if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
