You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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