The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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