How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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