I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Randomize
