id be glad to
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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