In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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