She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Randomize
