I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
