I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
