No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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