Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
