Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
