Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
