Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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