No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
