North Korea, Best Korea!
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
