is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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