My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
This house was built for laser tag.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
