What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
