i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
