Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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