My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
