look no pants
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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