You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
