I can tuck mytits in my pants
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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