I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
