so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
