wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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