What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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