If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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