yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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