We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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