i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
