dude i'm inner monologue high
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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