I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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