I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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