Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
