I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
