You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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