hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
