I just cut my nipple shaving
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
